This is just one of those moments in my life when I don’t really want to move. I want to isolate myself from everything and everyone. I want to lock myself inside my room and I wouldn’t care even when they knock on my door for hundreds of times just because I don’t feel like going out. I am tired, really really tired about everything and all I wanna do right now is sleep for a very long time until all my worries and problems are gone. But then that is not the rright thing to do. I know that this is one of the hardest times that I could ever face but there is still a reason why I am still strong enough to smile and think of the possible solutions. I know that God has given me enough reasons to keep on going. I know that this is just another storm and I will soon get over with it. I know that I am tired right now, but sooner rather than later, everything’s gonna be grand and I wouldn’t have to worry about everything that I am worrying right now.

 Dear You,

You came into my life in such a rush. I never saw you coming, seriously. All I know is one day, I can’t stop thinking about you that even when I close my eyes, all I could see are the words that you give me for my own comfort. You brought happiness into my life. You are the light into my dark world. You are the stars in my night sky. You gave me the smile that I didn’t have to fake. You made me feel like after all, maybe, jsut maybe, I am still good enough for someone and I hope that someone is you. I have never let someone in to my life for a very long time. It is like I isolated myself from everyone with the constant fear of pain and heartache. I built a very high wall around my heart so no one would be close enough to break it. But you, you brought down the wall so effortlessly, I have no idea how you did it. The next thing I know is I want you to stay and I want to be there for you no matter how hard things could be.

You gave me tears of happiness and joy in just a short period of time. That is another thing why you are so different from those people that I let so close enough to hurt me. It is okay even when you hurt me. It is okay because you matter. As time went by, I came to understand you in a different way than other people see you. You are not perfect yet your imperfections are the things that made me want to be closer to you. I want to be the one who stays in your life, I want to be the one who gives you happiness whenever you are depressed. But that won’t happen anyway. I know there are times that you would like to be alone and I respect that. I just want you to know that I will always be here to wait for you whenever you are ready to be with me. I will wait for you until you come back to me.

I don’t know what is my role into your life. I don’t know if I should know that. All I know is that this feeling that I am having towards you is too strong to ignore. I wouldn’t let this feeling go. I don’t want to let you go. I want to be the one who doesn’t give up on you. Right now, I miss you so much. I don’t know what to do but then I will wait for you. I will just be here for you. I hope that sooner, you’ll find your way back to me. I just miss you so much. I just hope you’ll read this letter...

PS: Happy birthday!

Love always,

Me

Some nights, I cry because I miss you. I close my eyes and struggle to breathe. How can I inhale without wanting to take you in? Other nights, it isn't as hard as this. I think of you and distract myself then I move on. I read our past conversations, laugh at how good we were then sleep. But nights, like this is hard to ignore. Everything inside me is yearning for something that I will never have. How can you satiate this kind of longing? 

All I can think about right now is that I want you I want to straighten your collars to make sure you're good for the day and kiss you on your cheeks to make the other girls jealous. I want to hold your hand just to assure you that you are not as empty as you seem and I am not as hollow as I assume to be. I want to touch you and show you the world is not as lonely and prove to you that you belong somewhere. That you belong to me. I want you to know that even if it doesn't eventually get better, I will not go away. That even if you're surrounded with everything temporary, I will remain constant. I want to love you in a way that you deserve to experience it. Just pure kind of love that isn't contaminated with doubt and guilt and pain. I want to unwrite your scars and undo your misery.

 And now I keep on thinking  about how cruel the world can be. How can you lve someone with the greatest intensity and you can not have the chance to show it, to express it for real. How can you meet the one then realizing that they can not be with you. How you can cry at night because you miss someone and how it is all that you can do about it. There is something permanent the way I love you. So maybe I will miss you forever. Spend all these kind of nights crying forever. I believe that my heart might always belong to you even if we might never meet at all.