Debut,every girls DREAM. Right?

 One of the most important year of a young filipina's life is debut.It could be a fairy-tale like,masquearde,fashion show inspired or a pool party.

It's every girl's dream to feel like a princess even if it is for just one night.And ofcourse it makes you feel so loved  that you are reminded on how beautiful you are.Everyone's treating you like a princess and you are so special in every way even for a day.And all of a sudden the small spot of rejection,loneliness,hatred in your heart will completely replaced by wonderful feeling that makes you feel so alived.

 Though some of us don’t want to be the center of the attraction cause we’re too shy yet we want to have our own debut.Since I was a child,I've been wanting a debut.I remember,I even told my parents to prapare money because I want to have a big celebration just for one day.I even told them that I wouldn't enter relationship just to have that celebration I've been dreaming for since forever.

Well now things changed,before when I'm just an innocent kid I'm dying to have a mini debut for my 7th birthday.Well as I grow older, life’s not easy.I  really don’t like to be the center of attraction, seriously. I am afraid that people will judge me or I can’t accommodate my guest, like that thing.I'm anxious that it would turned out to be a biggest diasater in a lieu of blast celebration.I have million thoughts racing through my head, there are many silly possibilities and negative what if's.Though seriously,I don't want a party and my aunts always made me kulit about their different ideas in my birthday.Seems they are more excited than I am.

My dad went abroad to let me and my siblings go into school and they paid a lot now.Though my mom asked me if I want a debut, first I hesitate but then I told her I want one well I'm not throwing a lavish party to celebrate my 18th birthday.At first I decided it was time to make my European holiday a dream come true.I want to spend my special day in Paris,London or Amsterdam either.But sadly,we are not that rich to handle the entire tour expenses.My mom even asked me that If I really want to travel  ,HongKong Disneyland would be cheaper rather than Eurpoean tour.And yes she give me a small hope and I wouldn't mind going to disneyland .I'm always young at heart!

But now I think what she's saying is unlikely to happen.Especially in this coming months we have to start saving money because of enrollment and christmas season.Expenses seem to add up anywhere.It hurts me alot thinking It will be an ordinary day on my 18th birthday. It hurts alot.

I don't want to grow up yet. I just want to get out of here.I know for sure it's just another ordinary lonely day.Can’t Peter Pan come knock on my window and take me away to Neverland? I wanna spend my special day there,were I can make YOLO adventures.I  want to escape and not think, and just disappear.I'm just tired being tortured by my own mind.

PS:Lord let your will be done.

PPS:While scrolling in my timeline,this qoute suddenly caught my attention! "SILENCE IS THE MOST POWERFUL SCREAM"

 ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

  Love always,

-- M xx