Self Confidence where art thou?

Nung nag paulan yata si Lord ng self confidence eh nag hihibernate ako. At nagising lang  nung nag paulan na ng mga low self esteem. Haaay, jusko nasalo ko naman lahat!! Bakit ba ganito feel ko ako yung pinaka walang kwentang tao.Palpak sa lahat ng bagay na gawin. Hindi na nga kagandahan, hindi pa karunungan. Eto dyan ako magaling, yung lalong idown yung sarili ko. Nakakasawa na rin sa totoo lang yung ganito. Yung tipong takot kang kumilos dahil takot kang magkamali. Yung lagi mong naikukumpara yung sarili mo sa iba na buti pa sila ganito samantalang ikaw mukang tanga lang. Ang hirap pa pakiramdam ko hindi ko kayang gawin yung mga kaya nila. Kulang na nga sa confidence, kulang pa sa tiwala sa sarili. Nakakagago naman yung ganito, samahan mo pa yung mga walang kakwenta-kwentang negative thoughts na paikot-ikot sa ulo ko. Nakakaasar pa na pag sa ibang tao kaya ko mag tiwala pero sa sarili ko mismo wala akong tiwala. Yung mas mahal ko pa yung ibang tao kesa sa sarili ko. Diba sabi nila kailangan mo muna mahalin yung sarili mo bago ka mag mahal ng ibang tao para yung pag mamahal na ibibigay mo sa taong yun ay buong buo. Kaya rin siguro di pa pinapahintulutan ni Lord na magka-lovelife ako eh dahil sarili ko mismo di ko kayang mahalin, ibang tao pa kaya! Pero paano ba? Paano mo magkaroon ng tiwala sa sarili? ng high self esteem? paano tanggapin yung mga flaws at imperfections mo bilang tao? Paano turuan mo ako????!!! 

Walang kwentang rants!!!

Dear Future me,

 I'm writing this letter to you on scorching Saturday afternoon from my room. You're now 22! Wow, ang bilis ng panahon. Where are you ? Have you achieved any of your dreams? I know you're smiling while you're reading this, it's because the choices I make today affect you and your daily life right now. Remember the times when you loose hope and couldn't find a way to move forward? Remember how you questioned your existence, trying to figure out why you're not good enough for anyone? Remember when you're too scared to leave your comfort zone? Well, look at you now. You've made it so far. I hope everything is fine now, that you finally move out of your comfort zone...

I hope you can reflect and realize that everything happened for a reason, and your struggles are what turned you into the fabulous person you are today. Use your past experiences to help you in the future, and know that everything will work out in the end. There were so many times you questioned if you'd make it, but here you are. Reading this proves you have been strong enough to get to this point and that you have the strength to go on.

I hope you've learned to let go of fear and embrace beauty. I know that my life in the moment is a web of tangled and intricate experiences and emotions that have helped mold me into you. Trust me, I am working every single day to make myself better for you.

How's mama and papa? I bet they're doing great. Did you already fullfill the promised you made to Mama that you're going to let her travel abroad? How was it? I hope she had a lot of fun. How about Papa, is he still working abroad? If he does, try to spend more time with him whenever he's on vacation and always made him feel loved. Don't foget to check out for his health if he can still work abroad. Please take care of them, spoiled them like how they spoil me right now. Always find time to be with them now matter how busy you are. Don't foget to give back in your parents. How's Ate? I hope that she achived all her dreams and she got a good job right now. Is Kyle doing great in college?  I hope that you already break your walls and you're spending more time with your siblings. Try to hang out with them more often. And made them feel that they can vent out all their dramas to you. Do still have your dogs? No matter how tired you or how late you get home try to cuddle with your dog. Bella's your favorite right? I hope she still eats a lot. Is Nanay Chit doing great? Please try to spend time with her no matter what your schedule is, always made her feel loved and important.

I wonder who you are still friends with? If there's an old friend you haven't talked to in a while, do your younger self a favor, and please call them.  I hope you still keep in touch.  Also, I hope you are still friends with your best friends, because those were your favorite people in the whole world. Do you still remember that time you all decided to have a movie marathon but end up chattering and laughing out loud. Those unending selfies and hangouts at the mall.  Don't forget about them. I'd like to think you still talk to them frequently. If not, reach out, please hangout with them soon, because I bet you miss them. How about your college friends? Who stayed by your side? And as for the friendships you continue to make, don't keep any toxic people in your life. You spent so many years tolerating toxic relationships and I hope you realized you don't deserve that anymore. Spend time with people who make you glad you're alive.

Did you finally meet him??? You're one and only!!! If yes, I don't know what to say!!! You've waited for so long, and I can see it in your eyes that all those years of waiting are all worth it. Indeed it's God's perfect timing. I'll just advised you that enjoy the relationship that you have right now. Then if you're still waiting for the one, please don't loose patience..Maybe he's stuck in a traffic, he's on his way into your heart. chos! 

Did you follow your heart to USA? Is it everything you imagined it would be? What's up with your internship? I hope that you gained more confidence and knowledge that you can apply in your work. Did you make it to the places you've been dying to go to? Take a lot of pictures its something you can look back to. I hope you are doing something you love, and if you aren't, then quit and find something else. Life is too short to waste time on a job that makes you unhappy. Are you working for a restaurant or hotel? Or did you realize that wasn't what you wanted at all? I know that no matter what you followed your gut, and it's never been wrong before, so trust in that. I hope that you are doing what you want to do and living for yourself, because you spent so long trying to please others. You've always been a people pleaser, but I hope you have finally learned pleasing yourself is the only think that matters. Follow your heart and your passion and you will always be going in the right direction.

Love always,

Your twenty-year old-me